Well, it's been much longer than anticipated (and even wanted) between posts, but I'm finally back at it again! And honestly, it feels like such a relief to be writing! While I haven't been too busy to write, I've certainly had what I believe is a valid excuse for my long absence. Since my very few readers are fairly close to me and my life, this announcement should come as no surprise to you...I'm pregnant! Today marks 12 weeks and 6 days (so let's just round it up and say 13 weeks:), and I'm happy to say, am now living a life almost entirely nausea-free!!! While we're elated for the (tentative) December 11th arrival of our precious gift, you can bet your bottom dollar that I've been on a roller coaster of emotion.
First: Disbelief with extreme, utter joy! Not only was it April Fool's day, but I truly didn't think that last round of hormones had done me any good. But thankfully, God--as always--proved his faithfulness and blessed us with the best gift we could ever receive!
Second: Fear and concern. Right away I began spotting and experiencing severe cramping. The doctors, bless their hearts, were being as thorough as possible. But me? I was beyond freaked-out with each phone call directing me to the office for an emergency ultra-sound or blood work. Again though, God is ever faithful; which brings me to the next emotional experience.
Next: Peace. After my second emergency ultrasound showed healthy progression, my 8-week blood work was still good, and I survived 2 flights and a sunburn in Texas, I finally felt at peace. It's not that I wasn't trusting God to be with our little one and keep baby safe, but I knew that this baby is part of God's plan, not mine; so while my plan lead to a healthy, happy delivery, I still won't know God's plan entirely. While that very truth made me uneasy the first 9 - 10 weeks of pregnancy, I now welcome that same truth wholeheartedly as my joy, excitement, and gratitude grow with each new day of pregnancy.
Recently: Worry. This is where I've always struggled, and as a Christian, I'm so ashamed to admit. Yes I have faith in God. Yes I trust him. Yes I know he's ever faithful and has never let me down. The truth is, money unfortunately does matter when a child is on it's way...and when money's tight, it's easy to begin worrying. However, I'm blessed to have a husband that complements me in this sense; whenever I'm lacking in faith and failing to trust, KC remains calm and simply reminds me that God will and is always going to provide.
And this morning, driving to work, praising God for all his glorious creations and blessings in our lives, I was suddenly overcome with an immense, unexplainable amount of joy in my heart. I know joy. It's been brought upon my heart strongly many times; most memorably when I gave my testimony & was baptized as an adult, and April Fools Day of 2011. But this morning was different. I was enjoying my time with God, as I said just before, praising & thanking him for all things in life, but also praying for refuge from my own thoughts & worries. It was as if God literally hugged my heart as I asked him to wrap his arms around me to guide me through these trials. What an amazing feeling! And of course, as ever-faithful as he is, he's been giving me messages & answers to my questions & doubts from before through the backlog of daily devotionals I waited a week to read. God is so good in the way he works, isn't he?
So I leave you all today with a prayer that you too will turn to God for joy in your life. Trust in & worship God through all things good & bad, easy & tough. Because I promise you, time & time again, he will prove his love & faithfulness to you. KC & I are a testament.
Our beautiful baby is a testament.
