Well, it's been much longer than anticipated (and even wanted) between posts, but I'm finally back at it again! And honestly, it feels like such a relief to be writing! While I haven't been too busy to write, I've certainly had what I believe is a valid excuse for my long absence. Since my very few readers are fairly close to me and my life, this announcement should come as no surprise to you...I'm pregnant! Today marks 12 weeks and 6 days (so let's just round it up and say 13 weeks:), and I'm happy to say, am now living a life almost entirely nausea-free!!! While we're elated for the (tentative) December 11th arrival of our precious gift, you can bet your bottom dollar that I've been on a roller coaster of emotion.
First: Disbelief with extreme, utter joy! Not only was it April Fool's day, but I truly didn't think that last round of hormones had done me any good. But thankfully, God--as always--proved his faithfulness and blessed us with the best gift we could ever receive!
Second: Fear and concern. Right away I began spotting and experiencing severe cramping. The doctors, bless their hearts, were being as thorough as possible. But me? I was beyond freaked-out with each phone call directing me to the office for an emergency ultra-sound or blood work. Again though, God is ever faithful; which brings me to the next emotional experience.
Next: Peace. After my second emergency ultrasound showed healthy progression, my 8-week blood work was still good, and I survived 2 flights and a sunburn in Texas, I finally felt at peace. It's not that I wasn't trusting God to be with our little one and keep baby safe, but I knew that this baby is part of God's plan, not mine; so while my plan lead to a healthy, happy delivery, I still won't know God's plan entirely. While that very truth made me uneasy the first 9 - 10 weeks of pregnancy, I now welcome that same truth wholeheartedly as my joy, excitement, and gratitude grow with each new day of pregnancy.
Recently: Worry. This is where I've always struggled, and as a Christian, I'm so ashamed to admit. Yes I have faith in God. Yes I trust him. Yes I know he's ever faithful and has never let me down. The truth is, money unfortunately does matter when a child is on it's way...and when money's tight, it's easy to begin worrying. However, I'm blessed to have a husband that complements me in this sense; whenever I'm lacking in faith and failing to trust, KC remains calm and simply reminds me that God will and is always going to provide.
And this morning, driving to work, praising God for all his glorious creations and blessings in our lives, I was suddenly overcome with an immense, unexplainable amount of joy in my heart. I know joy. It's been brought upon my heart strongly many times; most memorably when I gave my testimony & was baptized as an adult, and April Fools Day of 2011. But this morning was different. I was enjoying my time with God, as I said just before, praising & thanking him for all things in life, but also praying for refuge from my own thoughts & worries. It was as if God literally hugged my heart as I asked him to wrap his arms around me to guide me through these trials. What an amazing feeling! And of course, as ever-faithful as he is, he's been giving me messages & answers to my questions & doubts from before through the backlog of daily devotionals I waited a week to read. God is so good in the way he works, isn't he?
So I leave you all today with a prayer that you too will turn to God for joy in your life. Trust in & worship God through all things good & bad, easy & tough. Because I promise you, time & time again, he will prove his love & faithfulness to you. KC & I are a testament.
Our beautiful baby is a testament.
Friday, June 3, 2011
Friday, April 1, 2011
Faith
As I sat down to write today's post, I had intended on writing about patience and the recent revelations and advances I've personally made in this virtue/area of my life. But as I was re-reading the words I had just spewed all over my blank HTML page, it became clear to me that I had the wrong focus all along. I didn't need to write about patience, I needed to write about faith!
In my defense, it really was a simple mistake on my part to confuse the two. You see, God has been working in me like none other recently; yet while he's been slowly revealing answers to me (that's where the patience has come in), it has been my faith and trust in Him that has enabled me to so patiently wait for His truths to be made known. Presenting me with tough decisions that require a lot of time, consideration, and prayer to make. Giving us obstacles and hurdles that can only be overcome by sharing the love and faith of our Lord Savior Christ. Even by not answering certain prayers of mine (i.e. winning the lottery or being a contestant on Wheel of Fortune) my faith is ever-growing and always renewed because I know that God knows the desires of my heart--and not just my head--better than I do. So if it's meant to be, it will be. And just because an answer isn't being revealed as quickly as I'd like it to...ahem, a baby...I don't worry. I trust. I know. I believe. God will provide my needs. God will answer all prayers. It just might not be the exact answer and timing I was planning for myself.
That's what faith is all about though, right?
In my defense, it really was a simple mistake on my part to confuse the two. You see, God has been working in me like none other recently; yet while he's been slowly revealing answers to me (that's where the patience has come in), it has been my faith and trust in Him that has enabled me to so patiently wait for His truths to be made known. Presenting me with tough decisions that require a lot of time, consideration, and prayer to make. Giving us obstacles and hurdles that can only be overcome by sharing the love and faith of our Lord Savior Christ. Even by not answering certain prayers of mine (i.e. winning the lottery or being a contestant on Wheel of Fortune) my faith is ever-growing and always renewed because I know that God knows the desires of my heart--and not just my head--better than I do. So if it's meant to be, it will be. And just because an answer isn't being revealed as quickly as I'd like it to...ahem, a baby...I don't worry. I trust. I know. I believe. God will provide my needs. God will answer all prayers. It just might not be the exact answer and timing I was planning for myself.
That's what faith is all about though, right?
Friday, March 11, 2011
Listening
I've been struggling lately. God has blessed me in so many wonderful ways, and despite how often I praise him for doing so, I still feel as though my head is just barely above water. Yes, I'm busy...but aren't we all? Besides, I don't think I'm THAT busy; not busy enough to feel the way I've been feeling lately. Tired? Almost always (especially these days, again, thanks to Chlomid)! Stressed? Unfortunately, yes--work, money, the house, teaching, trying to conceive...it can all be a little too much for me sometimes. But that is why I'm so perplexed! Now, more than ever, I'm turning to God for it all. My faith has grown, so I'm trusting more, and I'm trusting more so I'm worrying less! I've been relinquishing control, giving all problems and praise to God--every day, every time something goes good or bad, I really do turn to Him. I mean, the hormones don't help, but I know they're not the whole problem. And like I said, we are sooo incredibly blessed & lucky in more ways than one. SO WHY DO I FEEL THIS WAY?!
Of course I was praying about this on my way into work yesterday morning, and in mid complaint...eh, I mean prayer request...the reason was revealed to me, loud and clear: 'LISTEN!' Listen to what? 'LISTEN!' Ok, I'm definitely listening.. 'LISTEN!'
Well, I went on with my day--I actually had a pretty good one--and throughout it all, I had my little talks with God and made sure to seek his guidance in all that I did. It wasn't until I read my Purpose Driven Life daily devotional this morning that I understood my reason. I'm feeling so lost, so over-my-head because I pray, and pray, and pray...and I seek, and seek, and seek...but rarely do I ever listen. Maybe every now and then when I'm praying for guidance in making a tough decision, or asking for understanding of why something awful happened that day, but am I ever truly open & ready to receive those answers? No, I guess not. I need to be better at clearing out the clutter in my life (aka: my heart and my head). I need to stop making excuses not to spend more time in God's word. I need to make real time for him, and not just during my morning commute. So today I'm vowing to do just that; not just try to do it, but really do it. Because once this revelation occured, I felt at peace (yet emotional of course...chlomid...) as this was just another awesome reminder of God's ever faithful love for us; that he is always there and he will a,\lways comfort us in need...even if your needs don't seem like much in comparison.
"If you are always on the go and you can’t hear God, you are facing the barrier of busyness. Often we confuse busyness with productivity and they aren’t the same thing. If you keep going, going, going but you aren’t spiritually growing, growing, growing, you are busy, not productive." ~Rick Warren
Of course I was praying about this on my way into work yesterday morning, and in mid complaint...eh, I mean prayer request...the reason was revealed to me, loud and clear: 'LISTEN!' Listen to what? 'LISTEN!' Ok, I'm definitely listening.. 'LISTEN!'
Well, I went on with my day--I actually had a pretty good one--and throughout it all, I had my little talks with God and made sure to seek his guidance in all that I did. It wasn't until I read my Purpose Driven Life daily devotional this morning that I understood my reason. I'm feeling so lost, so over-my-head because I pray, and pray, and pray...and I seek, and seek, and seek...but rarely do I ever listen. Maybe every now and then when I'm praying for guidance in making a tough decision, or asking for understanding of why something awful happened that day, but am I ever truly open & ready to receive those answers? No, I guess not. I need to be better at clearing out the clutter in my life (aka: my heart and my head). I need to stop making excuses not to spend more time in God's word. I need to make real time for him, and not just during my morning commute. So today I'm vowing to do just that; not just try to do it, but really do it. Because once this revelation occured, I felt at peace (yet emotional of course...chlomid...) as this was just another awesome reminder of God's ever faithful love for us; that he is always there and he will a,\lways comfort us in need...even if your needs don't seem like much in comparison.
"If you are always on the go and you can’t hear God, you are facing the barrier of busyness. Often we confuse busyness with productivity and they aren’t the same thing. If you keep going, going, going but you aren’t spiritually growing, growing, growing, you are busy, not productive." ~Rick Warren
Friday, March 4, 2011
The Beginning
Well, I finally got myself to do it: start a blog. I've been dismissing the idea due to my lack of exciting literary content, but when KC asked me what I would blog about, I realized that I didn't need to live the most thrilling life or have novel teachings and concepts to share with the world. All I needed was the love of writing and the contentment that comes only with the sheer knowledge that writing makes me feel good (not how many views or comments I get). So, minutes later, "This is life" was created! Ironically, despite my new-found enthusiasm to begin my online adventure, I struggled with the start of my first post; I kept watching my cursor blink atop my blank screen thinking, 'I have nothing to write about!' Before I knew it, I was home eating dinner & feeling defeated by my unsuccessful attempt to share my uneventful life with all the world...or the handful of friends/family that may actually read this. Like usual these days, I then began to get overly emotional (thank you, chlomid!) and convinced myself that I was a failure as I always have grand intentions and rarely follow-through.
Thankfully I woke up this morning with a renewed spirit (or a less severe amount of hormones rushing through my body) and a fresh outlook on my blogging adventure. I am not, never have been, and never will be a failure in anything I do/have done/will do in my lifetime...and I certainly wasn't going to let this blog be the beginning of my pride's demise. Besides, look at shows like "My Life as Liz" and movies like "Bridget Jones' Diary" - those women are just as ordinary as me with just as little to talk about and they still manage to find something to share with the viewing public; why couldn't I? Especially since I had agreed to blog for my love of writing, even if it is only to be read by myself, my husband, and maybe my mom.
So thank you, Liz & Bridget! Thank you for bringing me back down from my hormonal emotional pity party and reminding me that while my life may not be one of incredible extremes, it's nonetheless extremely incredible because it's my own (& mine only) to share. And that's all the ammo that I need to start my story.
Thankfully I woke up this morning with a renewed spirit (or a less severe amount of hormones rushing through my body) and a fresh outlook on my blogging adventure. I am not, never have been, and never will be a failure in anything I do/have done/will do in my lifetime...and I certainly wasn't going to let this blog be the beginning of my pride's demise. Besides, look at shows like "My Life as Liz" and movies like "Bridget Jones' Diary" - those women are just as ordinary as me with just as little to talk about and they still manage to find something to share with the viewing public; why couldn't I? Especially since I had agreed to blog for my love of writing, even if it is only to be read by myself, my husband, and maybe my mom.
So thank you, Liz & Bridget! Thank you for bringing me back down from my hormonal emotional pity party and reminding me that while my life may not be one of incredible extremes, it's nonetheless extremely incredible because it's my own (& mine only) to share. And that's all the ammo that I need to start my story.
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