Listening

I've been struggling lately. God has blessed me in so many wonderful ways, and despite how often I praise him for doing so, I still feel as though my head is just barely above water. Yes, I'm busy...but aren't we all? Besides, I don't think I'm THAT busy; not busy enough to feel the way I've been feeling lately. Tired? Almost always (especially these days, again, thanks to Chlomid)! Stressed? Unfortunately, yes--work, money, the house, teaching, trying to conceive...it can all be a little too much for me sometimes. But that is why I'm so perplexed! Now, more than ever, I'm turning to God for it all. My faith has grown, so I'm trusting more, and I'm trusting more so I'm worrying less! I've been relinquishing control, giving all problems and praise to God--every day, every time something goes good or bad, I really do turn to Him. I mean, the hormones don't help, but I know they're not the whole problem. And like I said, we are sooo incredibly blessed & lucky in more ways than one. SO WHY DO I FEEL THIS WAY?!

Of course I was praying about this on my way into work yesterday morning, and in mid complaint...eh, I mean prayer request...the reason was revealed to me, loud and clear: 'LISTEN!' Listen to what? 'LISTEN!' Ok, I'm definitely listening.. 'LISTEN!'

Well, I went on with my day--I actually had a pretty good one--and throughout it all, I had my little talks with God and made sure to seek his guidance in all that I did. It wasn't until I read my Purpose Driven Life daily devotional this morning that I understood my reason. I'm feeling so lost, so over-my-head because I pray, and pray, and pray...and I seek, and seek, and seek...but rarely do I ever listen. Maybe every now and then when I'm praying for guidance in making a tough decision, or asking for understanding of why something awful happened that day, but am I ever truly open & ready to receive those answers? No, I guess not. I need to be better at clearing out the clutter in my life (aka: my heart and my head). I need to stop making excuses not to spend more time in God's word. I need to make real time for him, and not just during my morning commute. So today I'm vowing to do just that; not just try to do it, but really do it. Because once this revelation occured, I felt at peace (yet emotional of course...chlomid...) as this was just another awesome reminder of God's ever faithful love for us; that he is always there and he will a,\lways comfort us in need...even if your needs don't seem like much in comparison.

"If you are always on the go and you can’t hear God, you are facing the barrier of busyness. Often we confuse busyness with productivity and they aren’t the same thing. If you keep going, going, going but you aren’t spiritually growing, growing, growing, you are busy, not productive." ~Rick Warren

The Beginning

Well, I finally got myself to do it: start a blog. I've been dismissing the idea due to my lack of exciting literary content, but when KC asked me what I would blog about, I realized that I didn't need to live the most thrilling life or have novel teachings and concepts to share with the world. All I needed was the love of writing and the contentment that comes only with the sheer knowledge that writing makes me feel good (not how many views or comments I get). So, minutes later, "This is life" was created! Ironically, despite my new-found enthusiasm to begin my online adventure, I struggled with the start of my first post; I kept watching my cursor blink atop my blank screen thinking, 'I have nothing to write about!' Before I knew it, I was home eating dinner & feeling defeated by my unsuccessful attempt to share my uneventful life with all the world...or the handful of friends/family that may actually read this. Like usual these days, I then began to get overly emotional (thank you, chlomid!) and convinced myself that I was a failure as I always have grand intentions and rarely follow-through.

Thankfully I woke up this morning with a renewed spirit (or a less severe amount of hormones rushing through my body) and a fresh outlook on my blogging adventure. I am not, never have been, and never will be a failure in anything I do/have done/will do in my lifetime...and I certainly wasn't going to let this blog be the beginning of my pride's demise. Besides, look at shows like "My Life as Liz" and movies like "Bridget Jones' Diary" - those women are just as ordinary as me with just as little to talk about and they still manage to find something to share with the viewing public; why couldn't I? Especially since I had agreed to blog for my love of writing, even if it is only to be read by myself, my husband, and maybe my mom.

So thank you, Liz & Bridget! Thank you for bringing me back down from my hormonal emotional pity party and reminding me that while my life may not be one of incredible extremes, it's nonetheless extremely incredible because it's my own (& mine only) to share. And that's all the ammo that I need to start my story.